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X ceptionaL

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[20 Jun 2004|04:01pm]
i've changed everything all over again... new journal and new screen names and e-mail addresses... its pretty all the same name and shit but you get the point...

LiveJournal:
iilusciouzii
E-mails:
iilusciouzii@yahoo.com
iilusciouzii@hotmail.com
Screen Names:
ivi lusciouz ivi
1 cut| Mutilate Me

[20 Jun 2004|02:10am]




esto entre tu y yo
bailando, sudando
tranquila que la noche esta empezando
entre tu y yo
Mutilate Me

[20 Jun 2004|01:59am]






missing my lil ma
Mutilate Me

breaking my only rule [20 Jun 2004|01:53am]


Mutilate Me

[20 Jun 2004|01:24am]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

Jesus what's wrong with me... I am so fucked up im paranoid of everything... I almost cut my wrist because I accidentally touched myself and didn't realize it... I drank like 5 cups full of pure Cisco ... and then I went to cop 2 dimes... I am so messed up ... ive been acting up for the past two days already... I didn't come home since 4 am last night and I was drunk and high ... and this morning I woke up to do the same thing... I have been so paranoid... Jesus... I haven't been able to enjoy them either ... ive been to scared and nervous too ... but one things for sure... I miss my lil ma... God I haven't cried over someone so much before... I miss her... I knew that me spending all of that time with her was going to hurt me ... now it hurts to be away from her for a sec. ... I'm so used to her fucking with me and making me laugh and making me smile... I love how im the only one who sees the sweet caring beautiful crie ... she so femmie ... lools ... and she's so beautiful... I've started to get her to let go of her hair and stuff without fighting ... she is so important to me ... ive tried calling her today about a million times and it just starts clicking and shit... I've had thoughts and thoughts in my head... i can picture us together ... lools ... the only two dumbasses that stay up the whole night and just not care about n e thing in the world except each other ... like were the only two in the world that are alive ... ive tried so hard not to show any sadness or depression ... and its so hard not to ... my ma told me that if she even saw a tear fall down i was going back to the hospital because of how I hit my head yesterday... im so doooowwwnn... i miss my LiL crie Ma!...

"Lights a blunt!"

Mutilate Me

[19 Jun 2004|03:44pm]
[ mood | happy ]

wow ... yesterday was something else... i don't even know where to begin... i woke up in a bad mood ... my lil ma was leaving so i guess that explains the attitude... i went and finished her laundry ... and i started isolating myself... i went to the room were the comps at and i started crying ... and crie came in and i just gave her my back... i didn't want to but i didn't want her to see me crying like a lil bitch either ... things fixed up towards the end and i walked her halfway and i kissed her and told her that i loved her and it that was it... i started crying in the pharmacy and all the way back to the house... i was sure that my day would be fucked up but it didn't whoa hoooo ... as soon as i came back home trouble started ... my father acted up and i started crying even more and slammed my head on my wall.... really hard ... lools... n e ways... i brought chino back everything he ever brought me and all the things i had of his ... almost killed him but it was ok... i came home ate something then i went to hectors party.... omg ... at first i was all shy n shit ... but his brother was lighting up and i joined and that shit was like a fucking baseball bat ... it was thick as fuck ... and i think i smoked too much of that ... lools ... and then i had 2 coronas ... omg!... i started dancing with everyone and it was wild ... maricella was up on me trying to kiss me and shit and i kept pulling away and she kept slapping my ass and wtf ... it was funny because no one wanted to dance with me because i was shy n all ... but as soon as i started everyone wanted to dance with me lools ... it was great... leo even got to personal by telling me i made him hard and shit ... and that he was going to tell chino so he can get jealous and me and him started dying laughing ... it was great... i wanted to leave though because the po-po's were down the block so we was out and me and carlos walked all the way up to the mobile ... but this is where shit got hard... i needed to use the bathroom so carlos walked with me to chinos house and when i finished using the bathroom he tried talking to me and he told me he wanted to feel me in bed and shit and i took out the knife and he almost got cut but he ended up talking it away from me ... so now i have to be nice to him till i get it back... i can't really write n e thing else because i'll just be blabbering on and on about the same shit ... but so much more happened yesterday... i had so much self-esteem, so much confidence, i was so happy.... i needed that more then anything... i loved myself yesterday...

Mutilate Me

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